Is Love at first sight a Real or myth?

In one of the comedy plays by William Shakespeare, titled Twelfth Night, he had said, “Whoever loves, loves at first sight,” which implies that it is possible to be in real love from the first gaze.

The question as to whether there is ‘love at first sight’ or

not is one still shrouded in serious puzzlement. It is one of the many issues scientists have yet to agree on. Some believe it exists, some believe it does not last while some others say it does not exist.

Olusola Austin, an accountant, is one of those who believe in it and have benefitted from it.

At the eighth year anniversary of their wedding held recently, Austin and his wife gladly told their guests that if there was anyone doubting that there is indeed love at first sight, such a person should quickly have a change of mind. He recalled that his relationship with his wife began with a brief gaze at each other at their friends’ wedding.

Austin said he was the best man at his friend’s wedding years ago, and as it is customary, he sat behind the groom and, of course, beside the bridesmaid, whom he is now married to.

As the church service progressed, Austin said he could not but stare repeatedly at the bridesmaid who sat next to him.

He continued, “From the moment I set my eyes on her, I wasn’t myself again. I could barely wait for the programme to end so I could talk to her. She was like an epitome of everything I wanted in a woman, from the words of her mouth, her diction, carriage, beauty, to her impressive attitude. That experience made me realise there is a possibility of having feelings of love for someone even at the first glance.

“That was the first time I was seeing her but I was already in love with her. Eventually, we became close and later turned out to be best of friends before we got married,” he said.

Austin’s story might sound like a fairy tale, but that is his reality. The argument about this keeps going back and forth without a unanimous outcome.

While some people see it as a mere expression or manifestation of sexual attraction and lust, those who believe in it say it is indeed possible, saying since people don’t fall in love with everyone they see on the road, there is always something unique about such persons they fall in love with.

Studies have shown that men are more likely to fall in love at first sight than women. One of the studies noted that it only takes the first 15 seconds for a man to decide whether a woman is attractive enough and same time for a woman to decide whether to give a man a chance to make her fall in love or not.

Some other studies also found that men, more than women, report love at first sight and that some might misconstrue strictly sexual desire as love at first sight.

An Israeli philosopher, Aaron Ben-Zeev, in his explanation on Psychology Today, said the fact that love at first sight could mislead, might be based upon unreliable information or assumption or does not stand the test of time do not mean that it does not exist. He said such love might not be profound but that it could be intense.

He said, “Love at first sight can often mislead since it is based more on imagination and wishful thinking, however, it can still be love, and is often very intense, such that you wish to prolong the time you spend with the other person.

“The fact that love at first sight may be based upon unreliable information does not mean it is not an instance of intense love. Research indicates that romantic love is often based upon idealisation and positive illusions, and this is also true concerning love that lasts many years. This is also the case concerning other emotions.

“The fact that love at first sight may perish after a while also does not imply that it was not an intense love. Time is not an exclusive, or even the major, measure of intense love.

He explained that such a relationship could last if the perceived characteristics of the person being loved align with the person’s real characteristics. He noted however that ‘love at first meeting’ stands a better chance as the person’s characteristics would be observed and tested during the meeting unlike mere seeing.

Ben-Zeev advised that people could pursue whoever they fall in love with at first sight as it is a genuine expression of their response to what they see or perceive.

He added, “Love at first sight is not merely sexual attraction. It is an intense form of romantic love that has a good chance of developing into profound intense love, provided that the characteristics that are not seen at first sight are indeed similar to those the lover assumes, and that no external circumstances occur to terminate the relationship.”

But according to researchers from the University of Aberdeen, Scotland, love at first sight is all about sex and ego. They said their study found that a stare could only produce a feeling of love if the other person presents a welcoming look, “as if they like you too.”

One of the researchers, Ben Jones, said, “It does seem to be a sort of narcissistic thing. People are attracted to people who are attracted to them, so that attractiveness is not just about physical beauty.”

In another study by some researchers from the University of Texas in United States, they said their survey of 107 couples showed that when people fall in love at first sight, such attractiveness or relationship might not last. They noted that it is better for individuals to get to know one another better before they start dating.

The lead researcher, Lucy Hunt, noted, “Our results indicate that perceptions of beauty in a romantic partner might change with time, as individuals get to know one another better before they start dating. Having the time to interact with others in diverse settings affords more opportunities to form unique impressions that go beyond one’s initial snap judgements.”

Also, a relationship expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh, in a post on shape.com said love at first sight is not the key to a lasting relationship, noting that unlike women, men are easily attracted to good looks but that for a woman to truly fall in love, she would more likely pull back the layers and see what’s underneath the appearance.

She added that the time spent together by both persons knowing themselves better plays a major role in attractiveness and having a lasting relationship, noting that there is more to loving someone than just seeing the person.

She said, “By the time a person introduces you to all of the important people in their life, you’ve likely known them long enough to allow a real sense of attraction to occur and not just lust. The first thing men look for in a partner is beauty or good looks. After that, they look at kindness, loyalty and intelligence, while the first thing a woman looks at in a man is stability. Then, they consider the man’s intelligence, kindness and the last is looks.”

Meanwhile, a consultant psychologist, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said there is indeed love at first sight. He said, “It’s a kind of chemistry, not necessarily sexual, and the way it works cannot exactly be explained by science. It may not even apply to love among humans alone. There are other objects you see and you fall in love with. So, the same thing applies to humans. But again, it is a rare thing to come by and some of it are categorised as infatuation.”

On whether men fall in love at first sight than women, he said how both sexes interpret love differ.

He added, “Normally, a man is attracted to a woman and when a woman has all what it takes to be attractive, a man doesn’t consider much when he meets such a lady. All he could be considering might be to possess that lady. But women are more reticent and what motivates them to fall in love is different from what motivates a man. She might examine how able the man would be in defending her physically and maybe emotionally. So, I believe there is love at first sight and it is not always sexual.”